Games People Play : The Psychology Of Human Rel...
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Eric Berne developed the technique of transactional analysis in group therapy, and here presents his findings to the general public in a witty and entertaining best-seller. He shows how people can achieve a new self-awareness by analyzing their behavior in terms of \"games.\" People tend to live their lives by consistently playing out certain games in their interpersonal relationships. They play these games for a variety of reasons: to avoid confronting reality, to conceal ulterior motives, to rationalize their activities, or to avoid actual participation. These games--if they are not destructive--are both desirable and necessary, and here Dr. Berne offers an analysis of 36 common games, which he breaks down into seven major categories.--Adapted from publisher description.
In our adult lives, he argues, our strokes are aimed at three primary needs: structure (a way to organize our days and hours in a meaningful way), stimulus (those vitalizing nuggets of experience that awaken us from the trance of near-living to light life up with meaning), and recognition (the affirmation of our fellow human beings that what we are doing with our days and hours matters to the world). All the strokes we play for are variations on these three primal hungers.
For certain fortunate people there is something which transcends all classifications of behavior, and that is awareness; something which rises above the programing of the past, and that is spontaneity; and something that is more rewarding than games, and that is intimacy. But all three of these may be frightening and even perilous to the unprepared.
Because there is so little opportunity for intimacy in daily life, and because some forms of intimacy (especially if intense) are psychologically impossible for most people, the bulk of the time in serious social life is taken up with playing games. Hence games are both necessary and desirable, and the only problem at issue is whether the games played by an individual offer the best yield for him.
Fortunately, the rewards of game-free intimacy, which is or should be the most perfect form of human living, are so great that even precariously balanced personalities can safely and joyfully relinquish their games if an appropriate partner can be found for the better relationship.
This can be difficult because games allow us to be more comfortable, without them we would have to reveal more of our true selves. They allow us to be social with people without having to be vulnerable.
The 37-year-old therapist who wants to know how to stop letting their ego get in the way of truly healing people for good, the 16-year-old who is tired of all the drama in school, and anyone that wants to become smarter about human nature than anyone around them and benefit from a life without relationship games.
\"It describes abusive games people play like \"Let's pull a fast one on Jimmy\" or \"Broken leg\" and tells you exactly how to end your role in them. If you have to deal with people who always make excuses, can't be trusted, constantly criticize you, etc, this is the book to read.\" - MediaFrenzy
Do you realise you, and all the people you know, play games All the time Sexual games, marital games, complex games that you're not even aware of as you go about your usual life You might play games like 'Alcoholic'; or 'The Frigid Woman' at weekends, or perhaps 'Ain't it awful' or 'Kick me' while you're at work.
First published in the 1960s and recognized as a classic work of its kind by professionals, the bestselling 'Games People Play' is also an accessible and fascinating read. It is a wise, original, witty and very sensible analysis of the games we play in order to live with one another and with ourselves.
But unlike salesmen or the Waystar Royco family, people in games are not seeking professional opportunities, but nevertheless they are unconsciously seeking payoffs in games they are unaware they are playing.
If you grow up playing these fucking things, sincerity is alien and threatening. Then you try it, and like it, and get used to it. Then you go back to where you came from, and sincerity doesn't work there, and you realize that the people at home *never learned how much games suck.* And in between teaching alternatives to games, in your spare time you start to wonder what demographic of people *don't* play them.
In HBO\\u2019s Succession, Logan Roy occasionally asks people \\u201CWhat\\u2019s your angle\\u201D Logan is a consummate game player always in pursuit of advantages over both his adversaries and allies. And he assumes those around him are doing the same. Logan is how Saul Alinsky fans imagine all corporate power players are. One of Alinsky\\u2019s more famous quotes:
\\u201CGames are a way of using time for people who cannot bear the stroking starvation of withdrawal\\u2026makes the ultimate form of relatedness, intimacy, impossible. Though there is misery, there is something\\u2026It is better to be roughed up playing games than to have no relationship at all. \\u2018The developing child is more likely to survive in the warmth of wrath and to suffer blight in the chill of indifference\\u2019\\u2026Thus games provide benefits of all players. They protect the integrity of the position without the threat of uncovering the position.\\u201D
In his book, Berne describes about three dozen games. As we\\u2019ll see in future posts, the titles of the games are colloquial and playful, and intended to capture the central characteristic of the interactions. Some examples:
Berne gave amusing labels to the games, perhaps to soften the reality that the interactions often cause misery for the participants. Maybe he was familiar with the famous line about how if you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise\\u2014well, you know.
'If you're going to read one psychology book in your lifetime... it should be his one' - Neil Hunter, Amazon ReviewFed up of feeling controlled at workFeel trapped in a toxic relationship but don't know how to escapeAlways feel like you lose the argument even if you know deep down you're rightWidely recognised as the most original and influential psychology book of our time, Games People Play has helped millions of people better understand human basic social interactions and relationships. We play games all the time; relationship games; power games with our bosses and competitive games with our friends. In this book, Berne reveals the secret ploys and manoeuvres that rule our lives and how to combat them. Giving you the keys to unlock the psychology of others and yourself, this classic, entertaining and life-changing book will open up the door to honest communication and teach you how to get the most out of life.
Eric Berne's classic Games People Play is the most accessible and insightful book ever written about the games we play: those patterns of behaviour that reveal hidden feelings and emotions. Wise and witty, it shows the underlying motivations behind our relationships and explores the roles that we try to play - and are forced to play.
A child then picks up on how her family expresses emotions. She learns to play the same games by unconsciously imitating her parents, Berne says. Then, children start to deliberately initiate games in order to learn how they work. Little Vesuvius blows up at her brother, experiences the payoff, and thus learns the game.
Widely recognised as the most original and influential psychology book of our time, Games People Play has helped millions of people better understand human basic social interactions and relationships.
We play games all the time; relationship games; power games with our bosses and competitive games with our friends. In this book, Berne reveals the secret ploys and manoeuvres that rule our lives and how to combat them. Giving you the keys to unlock the psychology of others and yourself, this classic, entertaining and life-changing book will open up the door to honest communication and teach you how to get the most out of life.
Well, as we already said, not all games people play are conscious. In other words, each culture, country, and family have their games, and many of the moves we make in our lives, we have picked up during growing up without even realizing it.
What we need to understand is that intimacy and vulnerability are essential for forming strong and true bonds between people. Hence, if we want to create a healthy relationship, we have to give up playing games.
The first step is acknowledging and understanding all different games people play. You need to become aware of the ego states that exist in each human mind and pay attention when you interact with other people.
''If you''re going to read one psychology book in your lifetime it should be this one'' - Amazon review''A brilliant, amusing and clear catalogue of the psychological theatricals that human beings play over and over again'' Kurt Vonnegut, author of Cat''s Cradle and Slaughterhouse FiveTHE BESTSELLING CLASSIC ON HOW TO HARNESS THE RULES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOUR TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR WORK, RELATIONSHIPS AND LIFEFed up of feeling controlled at workFeel trapped in a toxic relationship but don''t know how to escapeAlways feel like you lose the argument even if you know deep down you''re rightWidely recognised as the most original and influential psychology book of our time, Games People Play has helped millions of people better understand human basic social interactions and relationships. We play games all the time: relationship games; power games with our bosses and competitive games with our friends. In this book, Berne reveals the secret ploys and manoeuvres that rule our lives and how to combat them. Giving you the keys to unlock the psychology of others and yourself, this classic, entertaining and life-changing book will open up the door to honest communication and teach you how to get the most out of life.''An extraordinary set of ideas that are still useful in our world today'' - Amazon review 59ce067264
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